The Funk

Dear friends, acquaintances, and first time readers... Let's get real for a hot minute about another very important topic that is starting to seriously threaten our community and the way we treat one another. This isn't the type of content I thought I'd be discussing when I first came up with the idea for this blog, but you know what, I just have to let it out.

One word:

HYGIENE noun: conditions or practices conducive to maintaining health and preventing disease, especially through cleanliness.

Now we are all fully functioning adults here and I'm assuming that if you are at all interested in any form of romantic activity, then surely you will have enough sense to take care of yourself. Whats even more troubling is this very evident double standard and borderline misogyny that occurs when tops expect us bottoms to be primped and polished, and yet have the nerve to come over smelling like warm cheddar and gorilla hips. In other words, I'm sick of having to do all the work and be unappreciated or unacknowledged for it. The amount of times I had a guy remove is clothing before me and have been immediately aghast by his inability to wash his junk is truly astonishing, and quite frankly a turn off. Why should I have to wash my ass for you, and you get to be an insensitive brat and walk around like your funk doesn't bother anyone? Why should I have to purchase hygienic products like fleet enemas and laxatives, starve myself for a day, and put my health at risk, while you do...nothing? Why do our standards tend to be so polar?

This is not a top vs bottom rant. This is not meant to separate us or place judgment on anyone for their lack of hygiene. In fact, imagine how much more unified we would be if just a little bit more effort were put into all of our pre-sex preparation. There would be a lot less disappointment and perhaps we could end the imbalance of power between us. A power dynamic that illustrates just how much more significant you think you are for your position in the bedroom as opposed to mine. One that caters to the patriarchal structure that society has created for us in our very own community. Therefore, it's not good enough just to tell you to wash your sour testicles, but even more essential that you understand why this behavior is so bothersome and hypocritical. I will not encourage the buffoonery any longer.

Your funk puts me in a funk!

And I get it, sometimes after a long and eventful day, it may be difficult to predict the potential emission of odors from your down under regions. We are only human. But in all honesty, if you know that you are about to engage in some carnal knowledge, there's no legitimate excuse. This issue is not just limited to sex among gay men, I have also noticed quite a bit of dissatisfaction from my hererosexual female friends, trans friends, and lesbian friends as well. A conversation I have found myself having on numerous accounts with various types of people. So if you are guilty of this disastrous behavior, I am talking to you. You cannot be so inconsiderate to put your sexual needs over ours and then reject us or cause an entire scene if we should fail to meet your standards. And then have the nerve to go gossip and giggle about us behind our backs to your little bro-friends like we're in high school.

Sex should be more inclusive for all types of people, this is what makes it fun and exciting. It's about ensuring that there is an equal balance of pleasure and consideration for both parties. It is only fair for all of us to follow the same sort of guidelines and show common courtesy for one another when discussing things like health or hygiene. We have got to eliminate these backwards ways of thinking. Lastly gentlemen, do not ever confuse yourself and assume that you matter more, when I am the one that actually determines how and when climax. Pick up a bar of soap, use it the same way that I am told to.

With love,

NPR