The Answers (Bisexuality)
Alright now yall, get your note pads out, pour a cup of warm celestial seasonings, and sip on this all natural goodness...
Over the past few weeks, I had the pleasure of getting to ask some of my peers, friends, and even a few strangers about their experiences with being Bisexual individuals. So I asked a total of ten questions that each person answered individually. I decided to share some of the most thought provoking and informative answers. I must admit...I couldn't help but to feel a bit guilty for coming off intrusive, although I was assured many times that this was not the case. I cannot believe that in 2017 these kinds of conversations are even relevant. That we live in a world that still pays so much attention to who is inside someone else's sheets. However, for the sake of this blog and the love I have for all of you, I encouraged myself to proceed with the original plan in efforts to allow the voices of such beautiful people to be heard rather than me speaking for them. I am fed up with certain comments and stereotypes being spilled from the mouths of ignorant and inconsiderate people, many of which belong to our very own community. Keep in mind that the feelings and experiences associated with one's identity cannot be limited to just ten questions, but I think this is a great place to start. For the others out there who may have similar experiences and were not able to participate, I hope that you are able to find comfort and inspiration from this article. Please take a look at what they had to say:
When did you first realize that you might be bisexual and how did it feel for you?
"I've always been attracted to women on some level, but I didn't realize bisexuality was even a thing until about 8th grade. Up until then, I felt like I had to either be gay or straight, and I didn't feel gay enough to confidently come out as that. When I found out there was a word for what I was that was separate and unique, it was so cathartic. It was like I had been wearing the wrong size clothing my whole life, and finally found the size that fit me." -Liz
When did you begin to openly discuss your sexuality?
"I've never "came out" as bisexual explicitly, but I openly talk about my experiences with men and women without thinking about who is listening to me. I've never wanted to place any sort of label upon myself, so at the end of Sophomore year in college I started saying that I was queer if people asked. Upon further questioning I told people that I understood my feelings for men, but that I hadn't been with enough girls. See, the core of my anxiety is that I feel that "bi" implies two; I feel like you say that you're bisexual and you're expected to be attracted to men 50% and women 50%, and that's just not how I feel." -Olivia
What is something you would change about the way the gay community views you?
"I want to stop being called greedy, selfish, or a whore because of my sexuality. I am attracted to men and women. That's it. It's that simple. That doesn't make me any more self-serving, self-interested, or sexual than the average person." -Garrett
The straight community?
"There is not much I would change. I wish straight people would stop telling me, "oh you have a bisexual dad, it must run in the genes," or "so which do you like more?" Because none of that matters to me personally." -Anonymous
Are there major differences between identifying as a bisexual male vs a bisexual female, in terms of the way you are treated by others?
"Men and women who identify as bisexual are viewed very differently, I've come to find. The women are often seen as oversexualized or sexual devients aka 'sluts', while the men are thought of as one day they'll be gay (like that joke made in Glee), OR that they're weaker and not as 'manly' because of it. (Masculinity is a prison but that's another story.) Bisexual women face the issue that sometimes their attraction to women isn't validated; and example being, it's not 'real cheating' if it's with a girl. Bisexual men are viewed as less manly because of their attraction to other men, which is archaic, but is the reason you'll find less 'out' men than women." -Allie
Tell me about a sexual experience that surprised you.
"After I realized all that internalized homophobia was shit and that I didn't have to feel bad about masterbating! Honestly, sex with other people was not nearly as fun until I could comfortably make myself finish." -Tizol
How do your friends and family feel about your identity?
"My friends have never had an issue, considering that even in high school I managed to be best friends with the three only other gay kids in my year. I know I wouldn't have accepted it if not for my best friend in High School being as strong as she was to come out at 14. My family is another story. They are as accepting as they can be, and they try to understand. My sister has quite a few friends who identify as LGBTQ and I think she's getting it more and more. I'll admit, it's hard to accept when they say problematic things (like 'Bisexual means confused'), but I've found that being as unapologetic as possible just forces them to get used to it. My parents are getting there, at first they were quite shook, but my brother has really been a champion for me and was there when I 'came out.' He's very careful in how he talks to me about relationships, (Like saying S.O. instead of boyfriend, keeping pronouns gender neutral.) He knew a year before the rest and assured my parents that it wasn't a phase. As for my extended family, well, we'll see in the next few holidays because I just stopped giving a fuck on Facebook and they're all on there." -Allie
What are some of the stereotypes or assumptions others make about your identity?
"Some stereotypes I've experienced is that I'm more gay than bi, that I wouldn't actually date a girl, only sleep with one and apparently I am told that I am more likely to cheat because I like both sexes." -Anonymous
"That I'm just ravenous for big dicks and threesomes." -Anonymous
"I've heard the "it's just a phase" , I've heard that I'm "just doing it for attention" or that I'm "confused". Of course I'm confused, but everyone should be confused by their sexuality because sexuality is fucking confusing." Liz
What is some advice you would give to a younger bisexual individual coming to terms with their identity, or to someone who isn't sure if they are bisexual?
"All that stuff that you said wasn't gay probably was. The people who don't accept you do matter to you sometimes, and it hurts and it's going to be painful for a long time, maybe forever. But they won't dictate who you invite into your heart and your head, don't let them." -Kendall
What would you like to say to someone who does not understand your identity?
Not a damn thing. This might be very contradicting (because I am not all the way out), but I refuse to explain why I love women and men to someone who isn't contributing to my happiness. -Rayven
What makes you beautiful?
"What makes me beautiful is my thoughtfulness, my quiet confidence, and my knowledge that I am unique but I am not alone" -Annie
"There are a lot of things that make me beautiful, my acceptance towards people, my non judgement roles towards people, my love towards people. My personality and jokes, and nothing ever is going to stop making me grow as a person and become more beautiful." -Anonymous
"What makes me beautiful? My blood runs thick with passion and a love of life. I'm a theatre artist and I try to take that with me in all that I do." -Olivia
Along with these questions, I also found myself involved in a few heavy conversations where I could recognize the hurt and frustration in certain people's eyes and the way they spoke. But I was completely blown away by how much they were able to understand the minds of the people who shame them, and how they continued to represent themselves with poise instead of spending time pointing fingers. I was so inspired by how the people who are forced to live inside a community that is so unfairly targeted and questioned, could still manage to share nothing but passion and love with others. Just because you do not identify with something directly, does not mean you cannot be a part of meaningful conversations. In fact, we need more people to speak with us and not for us. That is where the power comes from. So I encourage you all to ask more questions...But ask the right questions. Separate yourselves from what you think you might know about others. It is so much easier to close yourself off from things you do not understand. Shut up and just listen for once. Stop strutting through life as if your own struggles are the only ones that matter. Remember we are in this together. There is no right or wrong way to share your love for others. To those of you who participated, thank you so much for your time and generosity. You are all stunning reminders of why I continue to do what I do. Never stop.
With love,
NPR