THE SYCOPHANT

Sycophant: noun, a self-seeking, servile flatterer; fawning parasite. 

So you're out with the crew and the clock has barely struck midnight. You make your way into the club and not even twenty minutes into your fun, this random very obviously drunk girl scurries on up to you with a little too much energy. You are immediately overwhelmed by her vodka breath and the wet spot on her blouse. She starts asking you all these ridiculous questions and obsessing over your fierce look before you even make it to the bar. In the back of your mind all you're thinking is, I am definitely not drunk enough for this hot sweaty mess right now. It's almost as if she knew you were coming and decided to lurk in the corner until you walked in, then BOOM...She makes her move. Where did she even come from? Beats me. This girl is acting like she's never seen a gay person before. Somehow her boisterous and disruptive voice overpowers the music radiating throughout the venu. She begins with the usual and very unoriginal:

             "Oh my god you're so fabulous."

              Followed by: "who are you?"

              "What highlighter do you have on?"

              "Can you do a death drop for me?"

              "Can we be friends on Instagram?"

               "Let's take a picture."

*Clears throat* Let's not. Now run along. All I wanted was to have a good time with my friends.

I will never dismiss the fact that different people come from different walks of life. This is one of the most exciting things about making new friends. If we were all the same, that club you're walking into would look a little beige. But unfortunately, this can and will determine the amount of education certain folks possess. Even when it comes to proper club etiquette. So with this in mind, I try to be understanding of the way that people think. Some of us just really don't know when we're behaving like a hyena. So maybe she's born with it, maybe she's just ignorant. She walks around fetishizing you and reminding you how she just LOVES gay people. She spends the entire night following your every move, attempting to copy the way you flaunt it. Her excuse is that she's down for the cause and wants to have more friends like you. More gay friends. So that the rest of the world thinks she's cultured and trendy. She is a little behind on the difference between paying a friendly compliment when it is due, and objectifying people. Now if you know me, you know I am one of the most friendly, approachable people you'll meet. In fact, making new friends is like second nature to me. I'm always thinking of ways I can encourage others and push them to be themselves. So it's tough I get it. On one hand, you want to backhand her and let her know how you really feel. On the other, you can't help but to appreciate her curiosity. But her approach is definitely a bit off putting and quite frankly, rude. I'll tell you why.

Let me just throw it out there right now: Gay men did not fight through years of inequality and homophobia to be treated like sideshow attractions or zoo exhibits. Gayness is not something you put on display and ask for reviews. Nor is it some sort of act that functions to fulfill the entertainment needs of the public. To treat us as such is to completely remove yourself from your allied position, disregarding what it took for my peers and I to be able to stand this confident and proud at any establishment to begin with. It is to dismiss our activism and marching for the sake of your personal benefit. It is to separate me from you and say that my identity is yours to play with. It means that you have put more value over your own privilege, and then have the nerve to try and call us friends. It is to say that our potential friendship is based solely on the way I present myself as a gay man, rather than more real and important things. Things like my creativity, my tenacity, my willingness to move forward when there are a million reasons not to. You knowingly dismiss my story, where I come from, without even showing any interest in what makes me a human being. To you it's all a show. But honey this is not for you. And if you want a show, check out season nine of drag race on VH1!

If you are this girl, this message is for you. I am with you. I love you. But I am also calling you out because it seems as if no one has ever told you about yourself. Your actions are inexcusable. I am snatching away your poor sense of entitlement. Because to behave this way means that you are too narcissistic to recognize that this club, these walls, the bottles behind that bar over there, none of it was made for you. Not in the sense that you don't belong here, anyone and everyone is welcome into this community and I will be the first to say it. HOWEVER, gay clubs are establishments made to celebrate the freedom and equality that you young lady had handed to you. They are a way for us to come together, embrace our imperfections and remind one another that it's okay. It's okay that life challenges and targets us most likely more than any other community, but that we are not quitters because we are still standing, dancing here, celebrating our courage.

Don't be a sycophant. There are more effective ways to make friends on your night out. Start with a simple hello and go from there. Its that easy. 

Until next time,

NPR